Maybe I'm The Problem

“Maybe I’m the Problem”

Guys seem to love me,

If only for a while,

my flaws must come out quickly,

and then i lose my smile

30 days my record,

I’ve never made it past,

I love being in love,

but I can’t make it last

{CHORUS}

I try hard,

I’m needy,

I want to date your boyfriend,

but only ‘cause I’m greedy

I try hard,

I’m needy,

I wanna steal your boyfriend,

but only ‘cause I’m greedy

I’ll date anyone that asks me,

If only for a week,

I’m running out of men though,

my future’s looking bleak

No new ways to hurt me,

I’ve suffered through them all,

Maybe I should be more careful,

Before I start to fall.

{CHORUS}

I try hard,

I’m needy,

I want to date your boyfriend,

but only ‘cause I’m greedy

I try hard,

I’m needy,

I wanna steal your boyfriend,

but only ‘cause I’m greedy

On the surface I look wholesome,

But what really makes me sad,

You may not even know me,

But I’ve probably dated your dad.

Harry Potter

THE PHILOSOPHERS STONE

Outside number four,

Three wizards meet.

In the dead of the night,

In the middle of the street.

A lamp clicks out,

A basket is placed,

A baby sleeps soundly,

A scar is his fate.

Eleven years later

The baby has grown,

A scrawny boy replaced him,

But the scar still shows.

The boy is special,

Yet nobody can tell

He can talk to snakes

Release them from their cell.

Letters keep chasing him,

Drives the Dursleys insane,

Retreat to an island,

But Hagrid still came.

Sat on Harry’s cake,

Gave Dudley a tail,

Tells all about Hogwarts,

And gives Harry his mail.

Fast-forward to the shopping spree,

Where Harry gets some cash,

Gets some robes, a cauldron,

Leaves his wand till last.

Ollivander is a creepy guy,

Harry tries out some spells,

Ollivander keeps saying “curious”

Until he is forced to tell.

“Your wand has a twin”,

But it gave you that scar,

“He killed your parents”,

They didn’t die in a car.

Platform 9 ¾

Is where he’s meant to go,

But when Harry gets there,

This platform doesn’t show.

Follows a ginger family

As they rush through a wall,

Bursts onto a new platform,

Hears the whistle call.

He jumps into a carriage

And the train pulls away

Heads towards Hogwarts,

His new place to stay.

In the train he makes some friends,

Hermione and Ron,

Neville bursts in,

Claiming his toad is gone.

Arriving at the school,

It’s time to know their house,

They put the sorting hat on,

Sit as quiet as a mouse.

Roll on the classes,

Learns Snape is one mean guy.

But Hermione is smart,

And makes her feather fly.

She's too smart for the boys,

And they start making fun,

Hermione overhears them,

And leaves at a run.

The feast is a party,

but Hermione doesn't show.

Quirrel shouts "TROLL!"

“The Big Freeze”

It seems hell has, in fact, frozen over. Climate experts are baffled by this latest underhand move by “global warming” – they need to take a look outside at the locals who’ve taken to sledging to work. For the second time in my life, I have found myself involuntarily homeless. I won’t point fingers, but I’m going to have to lay some of the blame on the weather. You see, this “big freeze”, whilst it made for hours of fun playing in the snow and hundreds of snowboards being both dusted off and purchased anew, made a new enemy in the form of my house. The winter was firmly upon us, so my family had decided to holiday in Los Angeles to escape, but sadly we could not get closer to the reality of the devastatingly frustrating effects of snow and ice. On the 1^st of January (timing is everything in disasters), we received the news that numerous pipes in our loft had burst due to the freezing temperatures. Needless to say, our house had been ravished by floods caused by these pipe bursts, and luckily enough for me, the pipes were located directly above my bedroom.

We rushed home, which effectively took about three days to get from LA back to Texas (my parents home) and from there to Amsterdam, and eventually to Aberdeen. Our only worldly possessions, now contained in the precious luggage cargo we had to haul around the world, were left on the runway at Amsterdam and consequently did not make our flight. I’ve never spent more time in a tracksuit that I did travelling back here.

From the outside, our house looked normal. Nothing seemed out of place, although I think I was personally expecting something like the post-hurricane news reports. Alas, things took a turn for the worse inside, as we ventured into our home to find ceilings on the floor, drawers full of water, and everything soaked. We got a builder in, and having thought that our kitchen could be saved, we were in for a treat when he punched the wall to prove us wrong, and the wall crumbled to the ground.

Funnily enough, just before New Year I was trying to persuade myself to have a clear out when I got back, downsize my hoarding to a minimum and feng shui my bedroom. The flood effectively did this all for me, but slightly more extreme than I would have gone. The insurance folks declared my clothes, shoes, books and belongings as “condemned” (which I found quite harsh), but as the reality sunk in, I was quite shocked. I physically only owned a suitcase full of things. My laptop was sitting morosely in a puddle, which I mourned and still am mourning.

If anything, this has been a huge learning curve for me. I don’t physically need all the things I had before. I was saddened by the loss of my book collection, but they’re essentially all things I can replace (except my first edition collection, which will be missed.) The clothes, well, I can do better this time round. I can do a Gok Wan style capsule wardrobe and make do with 20 pieces. Realistically, this will never happen and I will systematically build up the same insane collection of clothing as I had before.

We’ve been living in a hotel for a month now, and whilst this is fun (very Suite Life of Zack and Cody), it has a number of drawbacks. To access the internet, you must pay an absurd amount per day. Breakfast is included, all other meals are not. This would be fine, if there was a microwave or fridge, but there is not and thus I’ve been reduced to stealing muffins from the breakfast buffet to make do. The laptop issue isn’t getting me down that much, as I’ve been able to use other people’s and to cutback my Facebook usage by almost 75%.

I truly feel for my parents, though. I may have lost my beloved books and clothes, plus all my electronics, but they’ve lost the home they’ve spent years building for us. The kitchen was newly renovated, and the extension only completed about a year ago. We’d just found the perfect sofa. But we’ll go looking again. We’ll redo the kitchen with the knowledge that we have the opportunity to recreate our home, and do it better this time. The flood means we can tear down the wallpaper in the living room we all hated, and get a new carpet (not beige this time!) It’s a new year, and with it comes a chance to start again. It may be the worst possible start to a year we’ve ever had, and the most stressful month of my life, but we’ll be fine. We’ll rebuild the house, and we’ll make our home again. It’s just a house; we bring the home to it.