The best things in life are free....but I want your money.

I have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. This may be due to an unsavoury tuna sandwich eaten earlier, but the most likely cause is the fact that I have just taken a look at my bank account. I don't know why it shocks me every time I log in. I don't expect to have mysteriously been donated a substantial amount of money, but I am uneasy being so broke and not being able to do anything about it.

I was doing really well. I had saved a few grand, was earning enough to keep saving. I wanted to go travelling and to not have to worry. Now I worry about filling up with petrol to travel into town. I then bought a new car. Did I need one? No. How much did I throw away? Thousands. Thousands I didn't actually have, need I add. I took out a loan, bought a convertible, thought I was living the dream.. and then it was revealed to me that my pay had in fact been done incorrectly for the past ten months, and I owed a considerable amount of money. Again, money I did not have. I had to make the loan bigger, and I had to give away most of my savings to try and get it down a bit.

So, here we are, at the end of November. I've bought most of my Christmas presents, so I'm poor as anything. The thing that kind of kills me is that I really enjoy my job; I love it; but I can't really afford it.  I'm not driven by money whatsoever, but I crave survival.

My car costs me over £500 a month. A MONTH! This is insane! I'd be cheaper to move out and give up the car! I'd probably lose some weight as well. Oh, I buy a lot of food. Could do with giving that up as well; that would help the weight loss.

It baffles me that it would be cheaper to move out and pay rent than it is to live at home for free, but I live half an hour away from the city centre and thus have to drive everywhere. If I want to come home after a night out, I have to drive, catch a bus (until 3am on a Friday or Saturday) or take a taxi home (£25 at least.)

I buy food anyway. I'm rarely at home at mealtimes so don't eat with my family very often, so I buy my own meals, either out or at the supermarket. I do my own laundry. I don't actually think moving out would be very drastic at all...